Middle Ages
Uncategorized June 7th. 2009, 10:05pmMiddle Ages
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The Worst Jobs in History - The Middle Ages - Part 1
Major League Baseball Fantasy Camp – Spring Training for the Middle Aged
ajor League Baseball Spring Training is set to begin shortly! The grass is clipped in Florida and the fields are getting some much needed water in Arizona as the Grapefruit and Cactus leagues prepare for the annual welcoming of the highly paid swingers of sticks. This heralds the onset of the hope and possibility season. Solidly connecting bat with ball just one time in three tries can get a 19 year old kid from the back waters of Alabama a multi-million dollar contract. Of course the pitchers who are paid to prevent those kids from connecting bat with ball are also present trying to make everyone hit nothing but air. But at this time of year, anything seems possible.
This tangle of strange activity made baseball America’s national sport. People who can play this game are rewarded with a great deal of money. People who watch are charged a great deal of money. Fans love to interact with players and frequently fantasize about being on the other side of the fence. Instead of paying $7.50 for a cup of flat, warm Budweiser, they dream of having an icy cold one brought to them in the locker room after a win.
Baseball has developed a remarkable scheme to make these fantasies at least a partial reality. Being a pudgy forty six year old no longer presents a barrier to living out one’s dream of being on a major league team – if even for a week or ten days. This only costs a couple thousand dollars. The middle aged pay to play scheme brings in countless poor souls trying to rekindle their youth. Remembering the play that won the big game in high school has these guys trying to find that same kind of ‘high’ thirty years later.
Team camaraderie from those years is a fond memory. Being young is a better memory. So after many years of slaving away in the business world and earning decent income has many looking to mid-January for the chance to escape the cold weather as well as escape middle age. Baseball fantasy camp offers a chance to don a real uniform –name and all - of one’s favorite team, be guided by the real team coaches and players and to once again, take a place on the field. Several major league teams offer these camps prior to the real spring training. It is a tremendous opportunity to part the zealous fan from several thousand of his dollars.
The Seattle Mariners offer a fantasy camp at their spring facility in Arizona. Interestingly, the team invites all over 30 years old – even if the participant has no experience. It then offers that same participant the chance to take on real pros in a game situation. This includes an opportunity to face Bill Caudill on the mound. This sounds like a classic sucker-punch. Allowing an inexperienced player to stand in the batter’s box with no idea what to do while a seasoned pro rockets a ball by his snooter is a recipe for disaster - or at least significant embarrassment. If the pitching pro starts daydreaming about the tank topped blonde in the third row, the middle aged hitter gets plinked off the knee cap. And after a long Midwestern winter it is difficult not to pay attention to the tank top instead of the catcher’s mitt. In either case there is not a snowball’s chance in Tucson of this poor, not quite senior citizen, to meet ball with bat.
Bats and mitts are only a couple of the accoutrement required by camp participants. Included in the fee for most of these things, one receives an official team uniform including name stitched on the back. The participant picks up his uniform at a pre-assigned, reserved cubicle in the real team locker room. This isn’t like having a reserved seat on the flight to Phoenix. This is a reserved cube that in a week or two will be used by guys who get paid to play the game. This is all very cool for the forty six year old trying to remember what it felt like to run the bases without coughing and hacking. But where else would a fan wear his new uniform ? He can show it off, but he probably won’t be wearing it to the family reunion in July.
Uniforms of course allow fans to easily distinguish one team from another. This brings up one of the more interesting things about fantasy camp in that participants actually attempt to play the game. Granted, some of these guys, even after several years selling paint in Minneapolis, are decent athletes. Some have kept their skills intact with frequent trips to the batting cages and playing in city leagues. The problems arise when the ones that have been short selling stocks from an office building in downtown Chicago think they can still compete.
Competing at this level is a challenge. Competing at this age might be just as entertaining as a real game but for entirely different reasons. Tripping over second base doesn’t count as sliding in. Most guys haven’t worn baseball cleats in 20 years or more – much less tried to go anywhere quickly in them. A face plant between bases is not unheard of. And stealing a base? Oh, wince!.
Going somewhere quickly – the younger generations refer to this as ’running’ – is a significant challenge in itself. Years take a great toll on the knees. The kids take a great toll on the back. The wife takes a great toll on… well… nevermind. No amount of hot-tubbing will cure these ills. Although hot tubbing with the tank topped blonde from row 3 might cause one to forget the pain.
Pain is a part of the fantasy experience. Running and swinging a bat alone involve the use of muscle groups not used with any vigor in decades. Many fantasy players say that age catches up with them during the week. It isn’t the age that catches up, it is the years of poor decisions that catch up. Years of second helpings of lasagna instead of salad adds quite a bit of dunnage to the midsection as well as stress to the quads.
Adding stress to the experience are the occasional if not infrequent bits of serious contact on and off the field. Contrary to general thought, baseball is in fact a collision sport. Collisions with other players and pieces of equipment are common. This doesn’t even take into consideration contact that occurs during actual play. Being hit by a pitch carries real risk of extended pain – even if thrown by a fifty year old. And if you get plinked by Bob Caudill, you might just get a cool, fast ride to Tucson General Hospital.
Part of baseball is having the sense to get out of the way of oncoming danger. Part of survival is having enough speed to get out of the way once a collision appears possible. Pile ups are indeed part of the game but surviving the game requires bodily functions that only twenty-somethings enjoy. They actually heal. They also have the speed and strength to avoid most smash ups. Ancient laws of physics hold that two things cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Fantasy baseball players routinely attempt to violate this one.
Violating one’s bank account is another element of the fantasy baseball experience. Several camps are offered at costs exceeding $4,000 per participant for seven to ten days. The participant receives a uniform that he can really only wear at the camp, and the experience of playing the game. Although participant wives sometimes attend the camp, they frequently opt to attend the women’s retreat in Cancun instead. While the participant is running the bases and eyeing the blondie in the third row, the wife may be reading a book on a Mexican beach… or pool side in Vegas, or….well. If you can live your fantasy, the wife might just be living hers. And probably at far lower cost.
At least baseball is honest about what they are selling. It is a fantasy experience. If guys really want this for a fantasy and are willing to empty their wallets to get it, several major league teams are there to help. The chance to play the game again, wear a real uniform and get out of the Kansas City winter are genuine reasons to point the old SUV towards Scottsdale. (Actually, you don’t really have to make up a reason to get out of KC.) Hopefully the wife goes with. If she doesn’t, you can pick her up at the MGM on the way home.
About the Author
What are some dessert recipes from the middle ages? Does Apple Tart count? If so any good apple tart recipes?
I need to make a middle age recipe for Mon. and I want it to be something that people will actually enjoy eating. It is for about 25 people. Some sites say apple tart is Middle Ages. I've never tried it. Any reccomendations for apple tart?
Most historians agree that the Middle Ages comprises a period of history from about 400 AD to 1400 AD. The earliest known apple pie recipes are from late in this period (1300s).
In the middle ages, most people didn't have at least three things that make a huge difference in modern cookery, and those things are ovens/stoves, sugar, and wheat flour. Food was boiled or cooked over an open fire (including in fireplaces/hearths). Sugar cost the equivalent of $50 or more a pound (I'm going to guess that it cost more). Poor people ate bread made mostly from rye, barley, oat or millet flour. Wheat flour was available, but expensive, and it was not nearly as refined as flour is today. It would have been whole-grain and a bit coarse by modern standards.
Some historians claim that sugar probably wasn't that rare or expensive because cookbook recipes have it. Well, in the middle ages, books were extremely rare and expensive because there were no printing presses--all books were produced by hand by scribes or block-print. Therefore, anybody who could afford a book, or even afford to look at one, had enough money to afford sugar.
So when I see so-called medieval recipes with sugar in them, I immediately think they are bogus, dressed-up versions. Historians do agree that the earliest apple pie recipes known do not mention sugar. Really, everything about a medieval pie, from it's extravagant spices and flavorings, to its poor effort-to-nutrition ratio--suggests it was something that only the wealthy enjoyed.
People sweetened desserts with fruit--fresh and dried--and fruit juice. Food tended to be overspiced for the rich, or unspiced for everybody else, because spices were also expensive. People's choices of spices were rather odd, compared to modern tastes, and in a pie, probably several spices were used at a time, such as cinnamon, black pepper, ginger, cloves and others (but not allspice).
There's an early version of an apple pie recipe from the late 1300s that describes a pie made from grated/pulverized apples, pears, figs, raisins; "sweet spices"--which probably included cinnamon and ginger and cloves and fennel--cooked in a crust referred to as a "coffin." This crust was more for the purposes of retaining moisture and flavor of the filling, than it was for being enjoyed on its own. Fat--lard and suet--were often added to pies during this period too. This pie was probably overcooked by modern standards.
When you think about it, this apple pie recipe is a lot like mincemeat pie. Fruit and meat combination pies were very common during the middle ages and renaissance. An apple pie that we would recognize as such is believed to have come about in the 1500s, which is sometime after the middle ages.
So I think you should make an apple pie that is more like what they usedta have. Let me suggest a recipe:
Pastry made with 3 cups whole-wheat or barley flour, 1 tsp salt, and 1/2 lb of lard. Mix together, then add water and mix until a smooth but not sticky dough. I'll bet the middle-agers didn't worry about overworking the dough. Make a filling of 5 grated apples, a handful of raisins, a few well chopped dates or figs, a spoonful of vinegar, and a spice mixture of 1/2 tsp each of ginger, cinnamon, and 1/4 tsp cloves and maybe nutmeg. Add another tablespoon or two of lard to this filling.
Take half the dough, and roll or pat it out until it fits the bottom of a greased dutch oven or iron skillet, about 8"-10" in diameter. Mound the filling on the bottom crust, then roll out and place it the 2nd half the dough on top of the filling. Fold the bottom crust up and over about 1" all around, and crimp to seal.
Put this pie in a heated barbecue grill, covered, preferably not directly over the fire or coals. Poke 2 or 3 small knife holes in the top crust. Cook it uncovered about 1 to 1 1/2 hours. Check the bottom crust and the temp of the grill to make sure it doesn't burn. If you don't have a grill, bake it at 375 for about 50-75 minutes.
I betcha though, that the quintessential middle ages dessert was what we know as the English steamed/boiled pudding. The American equivalent of this is Boston brown bread. As before, I would imagine it was made without added sugar, but it would have had plenty of heavy flours like barley and rye and oats, and dried fruits and beef and/or pork fat. Carrots and beets were used as sweetners in these puddings, so you could add a couple of them, grated.
